Return Address: Things My Son Thinks

While trolling the endless universe of WordPress reader blogs, I stumbled across a fun little challenge called Return Address. In the mind of a baby/inanimate object/pet/something equally strange, write a response to something that person/animal/thing may be thinking.

From the mind of baby Nicholas, Here we go:

Alright, mom. Listen here. It’s hard being a baby. All you do is bicker with dad about your lack of sleep, and whose turn it is to change my dirty diaper. Guess what? It’s not easy for me either. Do you have any idea how hard it is to change my own diaper? Or how bad it itches? I don’t know why, but it makes a funny noise when I scratch at it and I can’t help but try to pull it off (sorry, not sorry). Do you understand how hard it is to try to crawl to grab that shiny thing and shove it in my mouth? IM HUNGRY! My gums hurt from these teeth coming in, and I just want to rub everything on them and make bubbles with my spit. I LOVE BUBBLES! Stop cleaning it off. Seriously, stop.Ugh.

That towel you use is obnoxious, I really don’t understand why you won’t leave the food and bubbles on my face. They keep me cool, and it’s nice to know that when you’re leaving me to starve every hour that I have something else to lick off my face from being famished. Why do you make me starve, mom? WHY? IM HUNGRY.

Speaking of hungry, change my diaper, it’s warm and wet, and the wetness down there bothers me.

Thanks for taking off my diaper, the air feels great on my….

Oh? You don’t like when I pee on you? Why’d you take off my diaper? HAHAHAHAHA, I think its funny when you make that face, you’re silly….and i’m hungry, why are you starving me? It’s already been over an hour since I ate last. 

What are doing? I want to be naked, i’m going to turn this way, and roll that way, while you try to buckle up those itchy tabs…okay, this is funny. HERE COMES ANOTHER PEE STREAM! CATCH IT MOM, GO!!

Where’s my daddy? He’s the fun one. All you want to do is cuddle and take pictures of me.

Stop cuddling, and stop taking pictures. Seriously. Stop.

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STOP.

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WOMAN, I SAID STOP!

IM HUNGRY! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

And now, I’m sleepy.

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But happy.

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…Can we play now? I’m hungry again. 

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-Nicholas

8 comments

  1. orples says:

    My daddy told me, don’t teach them to talk, then they’ll never shut up. Enjoy them while they are little, is my advice. LOL. You have a cute baby, don’t blink. He’ll be asking for the car keys soon enough. :)

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