Motherhood and Personal Growth

Don’t you think it’s funny the things we push away are usually the things that make us most happy? The ironies in life never cease to amaze me, and I only wish I was able to recognize them before they hit me in my face. DUCK! Irony is coming.

If you don’t know, i’m a newish mom. I say newish, because my son, Nicholas, is already 10 months old. That’s 10 months of experience. If you look at those 10 months and see the lifetime of a child, you’d consider me a new mom, but if you look at those 10 months in view of a new job, you’d say I should probably know what I am doing by now. What AM I doing? I still don’t know some days. Hehe.

What I Thought

Back in December, Nicholas became pretty ill — ahem — at least, I thought he was pretty ill. Being a new mom, every sneeze and cough is cause for alarm, and what Nicholas had greatly exceeded those two symptoms. He had phlegm in his chest, terrible diarrhea, no appetite, sneezes, coughs, and a bad rash that seemed to last for a lifetime. What was I doing wrong? Was I not caring for him enough? Were these things normal? I thought everything I was doing wasn’t enough, and always felt like I needed to be better. I thought  I was a terrible mother because my child didn’t feel well, and I wasn’t protecting him.

What I Decided

I decided that I shouldn’t have my own life. I thought I needed to give up painting furniture, give up my fun you-tube video’s, and of course, give up blogging. I decided that I would focus on being a better, more attentive mother instead of being a selfish woman who still wanted to do things that didn’t involve my baby. Let me tell you, the stress that I felt when I thought I wasn’t being a good parent doesn’t even come close to the stress I felt when I stopped doing the things I love to do…

What I Learned

Flash foward to today. I’d come by a few times during January and February and i’d start to type up a post, and then i’d abandon it. Have you ever done that? Started something that you didn’t finish? Haha, of course you have. There’s probably something you think about before you go to bed each night, and promise yourself you’ll get to it, but you haven’t. Even though I will tell you right now that your project may not go anywhere, you should get to it anyway. That feeling you have at night will go away, and you will find both happiness and reward in your accomplishments. I know I have. I learned that being a mother doesn’t mean stopping the life that you currently lead. You don’t have to drop everything you loved to do before you had a baby, you just have to learn how to do both. Being a mother is an AMAZING adventure, and I’ve only just started my journey. There is laughter, love, fear, worry, and excitement in so many different ways that It would take a book for me to be able to explain everything I feel. With that being said, it is so important to remember you are still a person. Yes, you’re a parent. But you’re still you, and as an individual, you are ENTITLED to have your own happiness and hobbies separate to your family and friends.

For Those of You Who Are Not Parents

I see you. You’re over there thinking, why am I reading this? I’m not a parent, how does this relate to me? It’s not just about parenthood. It’s about relationships, communication, and happiness. We all have some thing or another using our time and sometimes preventing us from doing the things we love. Children, relationships, jobs…..i’m sure there’s something. The point of this return letter is to let you know, nothing will make you happier than continuing to do the things that will make you happy. Make time to be happy. Whether its your passion for photography, your love for blogging, or your talent for painting a beautiful picture or creating a lovely peice of jewelry, your hobbies and passions ignite a fire in you that you need to keep burning.

I can promise you two things as a young parent:

1. I promise you have time. Don’t let anyone rush you into parenthood if you’re not ready. (Although I use the word “ready” mildly, because is anyone ever really “ready” for the responsibility of a new life?) You live your life the way you see fit, and when you’ve discovered who you are, you can decide if you want to have babies.

2. When you do become a parent, you will discover a love that you’ve never known before along with a happiness that you’ve never dared to fathom. Every smile and laugh and cuddle and stare makes every pain in the world seem like….well….nothing.

In Closing

I’ve started this post 3 or 4 times without completing it, because I didn’t think I was ready to come back. I was wrong. My blog is rewarding to me, and with it, I can be myself, discuss my feelings, and share other things I love — Including my son. I am sorry I have not posted, but I promise that with my return, I will keep you updated on every fun twist my life has to offer, if you promise to stick around and keep reading. :)

I appreciate you getting this far, and taking the time to read about my crazy life and insights. Tell me something similar that you’ve discovered in parenthood, or another resonsibility that you let yourself think you needed to lose yourself in, so we can share tips on coming out of it.

I Challenge You

Do you have anything that you have pushed aside because of other responsibilities? Is there something that you’ve been itching to do, but keep making up excuses as to why you haven’t done it yet? In the next 7 days, I challenge you to either jump in and complete your project, or develop a plan to get your project completed by the end of this month. Is it something easy like coming back to your blog? Or something more time consuming, like redecorating your living room, or doing that photoshoot you’ve been wanting to do? Do you accept my challenge? Tell me below!

4 comments

  1. Vicky says:

    This is a beautiful post! Very well written and even though I don’t have kids, I can completely understand and relate. In my last relationship, I ended up giving up a lot of things I loved to spend time with my boyfriend (through my own choice, he definitely didn’t expect or have a roll in that decision), but over time, I resented it and when I tried to get that time back for myself, it was difficult. I eventually left the relationship and I’ve so enjoyed the past year where I’ve reconnected with myself. I learned that lesson after that relationship and never again will I allow myself to lose myself. Sometimes you have to go through something to learn that and how awesome that you’ve figured this out while your son is so young versus when he’s 18 years old and going off to college!! Good for you and welcome back! :-)

    • kayla says:

      Hello, Beautiful Vicky! Thank you so much for stopping by and sending me your thoughtful words. Absolutely agree that any relationship has the same consequence as my post regarding children, and so glad that you learned not to allow yourself to be lost again. We are our own women, and the title of girlfriend, best friend, mother, or wife are just PART of who we are. :)

      Thanks for the warm welcome. I’m so happy to be back.

  2. Kat says:

    Oh yes this is how it is. Having kids endless wishing for more time and feeling guilty for doing anything for yourself. My daughter has been sick since 18 months every day! At some point I just had to let myself stop worrying and go to sleep and then get work done. Life can’t stop just because everyone is sick. We do the best we can to take care of ourselves first and others second. I feel you, but we can do it!

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